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Which is why hope dies last.“The dishes and the bathroom,” I say, and Stacy gives an excited little squeak and a double high five to seal the deal.“Fuck yes, girl! You will not regret it. This one is real special.”I have a feeling I will regret it, but at least I won’t have to do the dishes or clean the bathroom for the next four months, so I’ve got that going for me.*The thing I am holding in my hand a couple of days later, courtesy of Amazon, defies description. It’s a little bit 90s lava lamp, a little bit stalagmite, a little bit molybdomancy, and a little bit obscure deep-sea creature. It has a lovely, deep-blue color with a shimmer underneath, no detectable scent or taste (yes, I licked it. If something doesn’t feel good in your mouth, it won’t feel good in your vag), and it’s quite heavy. And is it just my imagination or is it changing shapes in tiny increments? So slowly that your eyes cannot track the movement? I swear I can feel it morphing against my palm and fingers.It’s. ) The septic system must be backing up again. That's what I get for sitting down at the end of the bar, close to the restrooms, I thought. But I was feeling too low down to even get up and move.Just about the same time I noticed the smell, I heard some guy's voice behind me."Hey Bub, what's got you so down?"I was just about to tell whoever it was to piss off when the stranger offered me his hand,"M' name is Lou."It was a firm handshake, and Lou was at least as big as I was. He was a handsome devil, or at least I figured a woman would find him handsome. He was as dark as I was blond, with a deep tanned looking face, with short dark hair, and a solid chin. Most likely worked outdoors a lot. He wasn't smiling or being funny - if you know what I mean. He had a serious look on his face and he looked me straight in the eyes."Sven," I introduced myself."Don't mean to intrude or anything, but I've been drinking at the other end of the bar for awhile, and you look like someone who has a.
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